As we are

BREAKING NEWS!!

Giovanni, Kanto's most wanted criminal, has kidnapped Professor Oak. Police in utter disarray. Is there any hope? We interviewed Chief Constable Jenny Jenny of the Unova region, for her view.

"Why is Giovanni allowed to slip away so easily? Is it inconceivable that the continued resistance toward implementing international arrest warrants is, at least, partly to blame?"

"No! Remember, Giovanni is entering regions illegally. We confiscated his passport over ten years ago. We always work closely with our Kanto counterparts but we are simply understaffed."

"I was told that James and Jessie, well known associates of his, were filmed casually entering a fast food resturant in Unova, only last weekend. Can you confirm?"

"You mean Jessie and James?"

"That is what I said."

"I can not speculate on rumours."

"We have photographic evidence..."

"Giovanni claims to have photographic evidence of the Mew creature, does that mean that it really exists? Of course not.

"Your logic is slightly flawed there...but moving along...will Giovanni EVER be apprehended? What with him now having influence worldwide?"

"Yes. Kanto and Unova recently upgraded their PC systems. While this was initially publicised as being a major upgrade designed to allow hard working trainers the convenience of being able to carry eight Pokemon at a time, we also took the oppurtunity to increase security procedures which we could not publicly reveal at the time. Every PC in the Kanto, Unova and Sinnoh region now has facial recognition technology. If Giovanni attempts to use a PC- we have him!"

"But surely this technological upgrade was pointless, particularly at a time of budgetary constraints. Money spent on such technology could have been spent on increasing personnel counts. Giovanni is a criminal, no doubt having many smaller gangs operating for him. Money is no issue. He no doubt has the technology, perhaps even skills, to build his own systems."

"The point you raise is valid. But imagine if he DID use a public computer and we did not have basic security procedures in place. The public want to know that their money is spent well...particularly with the general election being this year."

"Ah, yes. Turn to that as we must. Are you in favour of, or against Unova remaining a member of the EU: Enveloping unions scheme."

"It's a political question...I shall not answer..."

Jenny Jenny, ladies and gentlemen. A pretty face hiding an ugly truth: we simply can not cope with Giovanni's intensity of operations.

More next week. Plus: Oak's relatives launch emotional plea for lenience. Gary Oak says: "Please let my gramps go! He is an idiot, really! He thinks Gamecube is a type of sushi. He can't tell you anything." And Joy Joy reveals why more and more Pokemon are being abandoned.

By Barry Stuart.

www.todaysgamer.co.uk

(Just a quick script that came into my head.)