A slightly surreal and slight exaggeration of our neighbours.

Enjoy :)


Neighbours from Hell


Bang Bang goes my window. Meow Meow goes Brenda. Some people are blessed with normal neighbours but not us. It's been going on for a while but escalated dramatically in recent years now with no sane explanation for their antics. If it's not Brenda swimming naked on our roof it's Alan hammering the final nail into his Time machine he has been building out in his shed he purchased a few years ago to conceal it, only thing is it's been "the final nail" for at least 3 years. You could almost survive a whole day without incident. Almost. One day I was having a sip from my 3rd cup of tea of the day, (to give an inclination of the time of day) when I heard howling. No the T.V. was not on and yes they do have a dog. But this wasn't the wild call of a dog nor of any animal or human I ever heard. It was the wild call of Alan. No-one knows what he wants. Not even his poor wife. I'm not sure why I say that and paint the image as her being the long suffering one, when I recall many occassions when I was reading at night trying to wind down and relax and suddenly I would here, " ALAN! GET YOUR ARSE HERE NOW!" in Brenda's extremely loud and authoritive tone that Optimus prime would be proud of. She can seem good natured despite her laugh sounding like a witch cackling and me half expecting her to rocket of on a broomstick. I wish she would. We all do. Well me and her sons or so they admitted through Facebook....
If you don't get woken up to the sound of "Dean" doing his Otter impressions, then it's one of the other boys handing out more expletives than any American cartoon sitcom. I like to compare them to Transformers relationship setups. I used to see Alan as Megatron but now see Brenda as the tyrant she really is, barking orders at everyone and punishing severely anyone who argues back. Should you be fooled by her "sweetness" it will cost you dearly. While Brenda is Megatron you would assume Alan to be Starscream. But I see no evidence that Alan is plotting to get rid of his wife who he adores greatly as I surprisingly discovered last Valentines day when I was woken up to "Uptown Girl" being blasted out of a giant stereo bigger than his ego, and Alan dancing on our roof and flinging his pants at anyone who walked by from his slingshot.
What do they hope to acheive? We have tried to fathom that for quite sometime. I myself have spent countless time in my study posing questions and answering them myself to try to gain a further understanding into their purpose in life and not only that but what species they are. One seems to be a werewolf and one a human. The others undecided/unconfirmed. In a new development it was revealed one has had a child with what we believe was a human which raises many questions as to if the child will be human and what species is this that can cross-breed with humans? Hmmm indeed.
Brenda onced promised to bring round mince pies for me and my girlfriend but accidentely sat on my girlfriend so that was the end of her. I used to like Brenda though, apart from getting rid of my girlfriend for me and setting me free she used to be a good cook. Up until she started trimming Alan's hair for her dumpling surprise recipe. And collected our Rabbits fur for her world famous chewy milk cookie pasta bake. We used to support her no matter what. Even when she came round our house when I had friends over and she picked up a spoon and desperately tried to flick cornflakes down my female guests tops, and when failing casually lifted their tops and bras up to force them there. We explained to my friends Brenda was under a lot of stress and she was acting out of character, despite her regularly appearing on the news for sneaking aboard planes to Africa to steal bananas to sell on to her husband.
Dean is a funny one. A failed mechanic born in Toronoto to a Japanese man named  "Yoshimitsu", he returned to Rush Green Road in 2004 to challenge Brenda for the title of man of the house. After he was defeated, Brenda enslaved him and stopped him from socialising with anyone who didn't possess a howling ability.
The "Other boys", as we call them, are called so because we know not of their names or where they came from and even when they arrived is shrouded in mystery. One weilds a light saber and the other a ego to rival his fathers. Both are dangerous and should not be approached. They seem to be mentally linked to Alan as he can summon them just by nodding his head.
Here is an extract from my diary when we went round their house for christmas dinner once.

"As Brenda slowly rose her head from her plate of mash potato and looked around the room for someone to intimidate, her mad eyes bulging and her face forever imprinted on her plate, I pulled a cracker with Dean and received a screw inside. "These are homemade crackers" said Dean. Apparently he and Alan spent all day gathering loose parts from their garage to use as gifts and got Brenda to dribble on the crackers to keep them sealed.  Chelsey was slowly removing peas from her Orange juice after Brenda insisted on dropping them in despite her protests."

The Olympics. A good idea but has been heavily politicised. While many go homeless, instead of investing in our individuals, promoting our community spirit (what David cameron is allegedly proud of) we spend loads on a ceremony most of us don't care about. Why don't we? I and many have nothing against it. I love running, sport, competition, diversity, teamwork..all things the Olympics are about. But do we need to "show of" to enjoy ourselves? No. And that is why I personally can not wait for the Olympics to end. Each year it got closer it became more obvious what the event was really going to be about. Of course it will still be good. There will be massive cheering, crows gathering, moments etched into peoples minds forever, and I wish I was closer to the action, to experience the thrill and excitement of it all. To hear and see the accomplishments and triumphs being made. But it is hard to enjoy it when it has been corrupted. And in more ways than you might think. I am self-employed but aren't allowed to make any product for my business that has trademark words like Olympics on it or show any of the 2 mascots, which are the best thing about the Olympics. I don't know why everyone hates them so much.. Their bright, colourful and fun. Surely all Olympic participants will be that. Yet it doesn't end there, apart from them cashing in heavily and stopping other business's from sharing profit (which is odd, as if I got to make T-shirts featuring Olympic mascots etc, I would pay more tax, more money for treasury and that's just from one business, from one 19 year old! Imagine big companies!), they are also trying to stop "free speech" They have published guidelines about how you use the word Olympic, incase somehow you put people of from visiting England and they don't get to cash in on their visit, yet people can make their own mind up about the Olympics. This is ridiculous. And I know most of us won't pay the slightest bit of attention to any of the rules that won't stand up in court. Yet if an Olympic official sees this blog they will probably pull me up on it fearing I encourage others to stand up. Well why not. You want us to be proud of who we are? Well I am proud to be me, speaker of truth and real justice. Which brings me to another point. On and on boring politicians go on about Capping imagration, because they only care about themselves. Yet when it comes to the Olympics, the doors are thrown wide open! We then expect the same people we chucked out, ignored, and barred, to come and pay for our Olympics so we can get back double the money we wasted on it. Bottom line, money doesn't buy happiness. I just wish we had real leaders who knew that. I hope that the Olympics get under way safely without incident and many people remember forever the joy of this once in a life time moment! But I do wish one day we would have a real Olympics. The ones from a long time ago... My Olympics.

I wish you all the best, participants, officials, watchers, tourists, travellers, whoever! Enjoy.
I will end by saying thankyou to those who have and are putting in hard work, whatever role you might have, to ensuring the safety and enjoyment of all those involved but I will not put a disclaimer up saying, "The views expressed here are all my own" like officials would like me to. That is common sense and obvious to anyone reading, whether Lex Luthor or a moron. Something many people lack or choose to hide these days....

Well I have been fairly busy with my business (www.our-realm.co.uk) and things. (I do remember I promised to write part 3 to David and Megatron at the seaside, it WILL get done, by the allspark :P)

But my video I posted about previously has had a development. Most companies have come back and re-instated their claims BUT 2 haven't! Yes I know! Really? One of them is WMG as seen in the email below. Wow, WMG have sense and listened to me. If you would like to read what I put in my defence to Youtube I can tell you. So that is something at least, some companies do have sense, and anyway, I'm promoting their material, raising awareness and so many other ways benefiting them, it's absurd. 

Also in other news, I have been busy being mischevious...but not as me this time, but under the guise of Starscream. Yes. I have created a twitter account for Screamer, (@Starscream2012) and also for fun been making spoof pictures, like taking a screenshot of a dating/friendship site called Oasis, and pasting it into paint. Then I used rubber to rub out text I didn't need, inserted my own, then downloaded and pasted some pictures and just like that Starscream is on a dating site :P Let me know what you think. Happy Summer everyone.

Have fun and stay safe. And don't forget to follow Starscream, or me, or touchofyouth, or my Avril fan account, I now have four Twitter accounts! Wow...too many to remember lol :)

Hey everyone. Just to let you know Starscream is on Twitter. I created my own Starscream, so follow @Starscream2012. Others have created their own as well and there are also other characters from Transformers and we had quite a good bit of fun today, as we all speak in character. And you should see this, apparently Paypal can be fun! I sent a message to paypal and they replied twice with a themed reply, and humorous response, I must of found the only friendly person at paypal! check out below.