Eastenders-Upcoming storylines.

Yup we all have heard about Ayeesheep threatening to strip in front of Zainab while Two-face (Not Zainab, the other one "AJ" who used to keep flipping a coin like Two-face until they realised DC were breathing down their necks and stopped...until DC then realised they did not patent flipping a coin and the Royal Mint could sue them...) watches in horror at the woman he loves being seduced by a girl he picked up from KFC. Speaking of KFC. Has anyone done any mystery shopping assignments at Gapbuster? If I had and I told you it wouldn't be a mystery so I don't know what your talking about.. Mystery shopping? Is that shopping with your eyes closed? That sounds a bit hit and miss. Ah! Talking about hit and miss.. Eastenders storylines! Where were we? Oh yeah now this storyline has not seemed to come to that suggested fruition just yet BUT I have uncovered some sneak previews that mysteriously have my tag written on them as if I downloaded Eastenders pictures from Google, added annnotations to form a story that quickly materialised in my head and posted on this blog, I mean that would be silly...where would be the time to mystery shop at KFC? ....Oh dear...

Well take a look anyway and know what I think! I meant let me tell you what I think.. I mean me tell you what I let. I mean let me think what I know... No that's not it.. Let me know what you think? No that sounds English...that can't be right......

-Please click on the photos for fullscreen, better readability of text, Blogger should allow you too, simply click on any part of the photo to do so.




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*The quote from Shaun Micallef saying roughly, "Burn your food, burn your trolley and burn yourselves" was taken from an episode of Talkin' 'bout your generation, the idea was for "Burn yourselves then burn your house" to be said making the reference more obvious but despite characters actually getting burned in Eastenders, I elected to omitt that part for suitability and comfort, so non are offended in the slightest.

BarryVP Mixing truth with fantasy since 1992. Accept no Imitations. (Mc Coys are aware of me stealing "their" catchphrase and issued me a warning to cease and desist. I said I would desist and seize instead, I mean it's not like you aren't allowed to speak the same phrases and have to use only common words, members of parliment would only be heard saying "aye" "nay" (Tesco flinch at the sound of that one!) and "second mortgage for my second home please" and this world may have problems but it's not like you can copyright a fruit...say if a company was called "Apple" or something ridiculous like that... it's not like you would get away with patenting a square machine with a screen on or something when you never even invented the first one of it's kind...that would be silly.....)


I recently Joined Onepoll community a new venture from Onepoll. So far it seems like a nice idea, a pleasant place to chill out and to spread my random satirical strange bewildering ever shifting humour as oppose to Gordon Brown's casino in South London, which is not a nice place to be at all, and where thousands of pounds worth of gold is gambled away every day....

What is Onepoll? Onepoll is in it's perhaps most widely seen form a survey site paying you to express your views and give feedback to companies new products and how well I have shaved this morning (apparently some parts of this are made up but I could not reach the person who wrote this blog because I am currently writing a blog and the person who wrote this blog was currently writing a blog so alas we were not to meet). Onepoll along with Valued Opinions are probably my favourite survey sites. Why? Most generous, accessible and accurate surveys (Many survey questions are not well thought out on other sites, to give an obvious example "Q1. Do  you have children? NO. Q2. How old are your children? What is your childs name?" And not even a space to remind them you have no children...). This is why I feel almost all questions ought to have a comment box because all could do with additional info and often the questions still leave room for error or contradictions because of the ordering or something else.

But enough about websites that blame their errors on you -cough Valued Opinions cough- I have more important news. More important than free money? Yes silly. Many things are. Like this. Navigate to www.celebritychallenge.org please where you will discover what I only discovered recently when I discovered what I had yet to discover but discovered it upon seeing a Facebook post talking about voting for Avril Lavigne on a website I knew not to discover for had not discovered it yet but now I have discovered I have discovered a wonderful thing. I know little (nothing) about the company/brand "Brille" who seem to be organising (Yes Google Chrome in England we spell words with "S" and not "Z" so stop trying to correct "organising" please. You and your correctnezz.....) this but basically the idea is people submit a Celebrity and a charity and everyday (Or 17 hours or so it seems to be weirdly) you can vote for a Celebrity and the charity that's been linked with them (In Avril's case her own charity she created is with her) and the celebrity with the most votes (They seem to start again after one winner not sure how many more they will do though) wins and money for their charity, based on votes I presume and the person who nominated that celebrity gets to meet them AND one random voter does as well! So charity combined with meeting your favourite singer etc, what are you waiting for! It's free :) I have voted about 5 times so far, I wish I knew about this sooner! I assume once a celebrity and their charity has won once they are taken out of the competition but I may be wrong and you can still nominate new people and Charities so if someone is not on the list then you can request for them to be added. Avril was 4th but yesterday went down to 5th, (I'm haven't checked today yet) she did so well jumping from the bottom and climbing up past the others but remember whatever the outcome people get to meet someone they like and most of all a charity will get some money to help them out with whatever it is they do :) So please check it out..it's a really good idea...! Thankyou.

Onwards and upwards says Megatron.

Rude man.

Those not familiar with my humour and think I am not funny, please know that it is actually you who isn't funny. This is backed up by a 1967 investigation into how BarryVP writes his blog randomly making it up as each word is typed. Oh wait. Surely that investigation never happened then? But then that means there was never an investigation into me making things up? But does that neccessarily mean I did not make things up? As always all these questions and more will never be answered on the next exciting episode of- "Heavily-sensored-and-politically-correct-version-of-one-of-the-greatest-animes-ever-created-now-had-a-name-change-to-further-insult-it-Dragonball-Kai"

Oh....you're still reading?

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Um.......

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There. That says more than my latest autobiography.


Well you try writing on the back of a newspaper!

No comment :P

First post of 2013!

Well I have a lot of things to finish online still, Transformers blog story, videos to make, pen-pals to catch up with...and more.. I'm also writing a lot more of my novels, my main one is coming along nicely :P I've been looking at some various publishing innovations too such as Harper Collins website have a website setup to share stories, something like "authonomy.com."  But I just wanted to start by informing you that occasionally Aliens (Singular David Icke) edit my blog so it appears there are spelling mistakes. If you notice any please get in touch in the aforementioned ways which I have not mentioned anywhere recently but you can find if you trawl through my blog which would be an extremely odd thing to do considering no-one reads my blog. The last person to read my blog was King Arthur and all he ever talked about was me interviewing him about a sword... sad man..... He just disappeared one day.

You may of noticed some continuity errors concerning King Arthur's timeline and the invention of modern computers. If this was a game show you would get a prize. Instead you can get a life. No I hope that did not sound rude! I am often misunderstood (When ever I go to Australia and ask for chips they hand me a packet of crisps!..oh well at least Australians are attractive.. some anyway..). Rude Tuesdays are not until...well Tuesday... So today I shall be calm, compassionate and everything else Tony Blair wishes his wife was. Although she is a good cook I hear. She knows how to get the best food. Everyday at 5 PM she rings her local Pizza-delivery-service-does-this-line-of-business-even-have-a-name-I-don't-know-can-you-stop-with-the-hyphens-now-no-sorry-it's-what-you-do-when-you-connect-words and orders 3 pizzas for her and the children to share and even buys a bone for Tony to gnaw on, as oppose to Gordon's head. While this all goes on at the Blair's dinner time, with Tony mining for WMD's in his back garden with a metal detector straight after dinner, Eastenders is playing on T.V. which is as almost as incredible as William Hague's baby oil induced head, seeing as Eastenders is on at 7:30PM at the earliest, due to excessive swearing and violent scenes such as Ian Beale threatening to break the fourth wall and Sharon threatening to leave and return for the millionth time (Rumour has it the first time she arrived it was on a Pterodactyl!) "This isn't a revolving door you know" Phill Mitchell once said to her, before Grant swaggered in and said, "OI listen up Dairylea triangles of Walford! I'm gonna be stepping on some toes soon an-" (at that moment he spotted Sharon) "OI! Change your knickers Grant! Then change your life! Then change yo-...oh ..you can't really trump that can you....who wrote these silly scripts..." (Things started to get tough so Grant got out of there and headed back to base, thanks Dead Ringers :P). But Eastenders can be realistic you know. Then it starts. The outdated map and theme tune that's played in 62% of Britain's Prisons, casting a realistic look at life in the East end of London and how the BBC has made sure anyone over 30 will run from a teenager at the first sign of them opening their mouth or even making a tiny move that even slightly suggests they may be heading in their direction, The river that is now dried up is the most accurate part on the map, a complete contrast to the actual episodes which involved (Derek Branning is now dead having been poisoned by Ian Beale who realized he was the witch from Snow White and the seven Dwarfs in another life, "Come here my son....come and have an apple from my stall....this one was grown with locally sourced manure.." What? Come on, you preferred the real ending? Exactly.) Derek Branning flinging his underwear at anyone who opened their mouth to take a sip from their drink when he was looking in their direction, while Kat Butcher Slater Anderson Chaplin Weak Character your shirts undone sir let me tuck it in for you Mitchell boring storyline moon drivel Branning, flung herself at every man who was married and tipped beer down those who weren't so she could later give piggybacks to Tracy so she would stop licking Patricks face, although I personally do not see how spilling alcohol helps in giving piggybacks and how not doing so prevents a barrier but this is Eastenders though. Now onwards and upwards. I've spent to much time wasted on Eastenders. Sorry, why do I keep reading out random interviews from Shane Richie? This blog post was originally about cunningly explaining spelling mistakes in my blog and now it consists of more words than a bible! (We can not confirm nor deny this due to an ongoing court case with Archangel Michael, although what he has to do with writing the books of the bibles beats me, all he did was sink Atlantis) If you were offended by anything here I am sorry, I did not mean to. My job in life is to teach, and marry Keira Knightly. One of those things is slightly tricky now, given a recent engagement for a wedding I was not invited to.... (darn you Gordon Brown..somehow forwarding the invitation to your own address and locking me up in my cellar on the eve of the wedding...which is really odd considering you had destroyed all knowledge I would of potentially possessed of the wedding so why you felt you needed to go further is beyond me.....I'm just glad there's still gold in my room...I mean why wouldn't there be after you were in the ro- ......wait a sec..... Gordon... -_- ..) but I am happy.. I am going to stroke our dog now who doesn't exist. Then I will day dream about Jennifer Aniston finally leaving me alone! What is with that woman...she is obsessed...just because I told her a random number and it helped her win the lottery one day..now she thinks she has stalker privileges despite her not even following me on Twitter.

Well it was fun talking. Typing. Writing. Take your pick just don't use them all at once. Sony have more or less said Playstation 4 will not allow second hand games so the video game industry is finished. So yes, to many people... life itself is finished. As dramatic as always ;) That's why you read my blog right?

As the wise politician Goku once said at the final episode of Dragonball Z;

"until next time"

Goodbye.




Written by BarryVP using a Keyboard, a Laptop, a touch pad, a internet browser, a broadband connection, a brain, two hands and Ruperts memoirs, soon to feature in BarryVP's yet to be published but somehow best selling new novel starring.... John Prescott.... as nobody because he's not in it. and BarryVP as Barry VP II (2nd)

Stay tuned.