I wish to leave the chaos of my mind. 

I wish to not be living. I wish for an end to abuse. I wish for sleep. And happiness. I wish I were not a fool chained by compassion at the cost of being unable to express compassion. I wish I were free. I am sickened with dread and fear. I am afraid of my past, forced to be empowered by it, sick of my present yet forced to live it and hopeful for my future yet it flees before I can fully name it.

There are too many scores of issues I must handle. I have lost all battle without a single surrender. I have betrayed everyone and yet I can not even cry out in pain knowing the only response shall be: "He is just saying it for attention." Family, strangers and sometimes even friends speak so illy. Why am I still alive? Look at me. Tell me what will change.